Buses that won't drive off without you.

So.

You know when you're waiting in the London rain for a bus? You feel like you're standing, fully clothed (hopefully) under a freezing cold shower, splashes of muddy water soaking your socks, and arctic winds blowing into your face. That red beacon of warmth and hope seems so, so far away. You look at the indicator. It says the bus is due in a minute. The problem? It's been saying that for the past ten minutes. Or it could be the last few months. The icy water is leeching into your head and stopping you from thinking straight.

Finally, the bus arrives. You squeeze behind 10,456 other people also trying to get on, only to meet a wall of grumpy, squished commuter-sardine hybrids, each wearing an expression which should be weaponised by the Ministry of Defence.

So you stand, in your rain-soaked clothes, on a rain-soaked bus, and think, 'That's it. There's no point in waiting for 10 minutes/5 years for a bus that arrives late anyway.'

So the next day, you leisurely saunter out, and see the bus stop just down the road.

There's a problem. The bus is already there.

You run. You get muddy water all over you as you do your best impression of Usain Bolt.

You fall over.

You land on your bum.

In a muddy puddle.

And end up having to wait 5 years for the next bus anyway.

Sound familiar? Well, you're going to love these buses.

These small sculptures of routemaster buses are gaudily painted in a variety of colours, just to make you bitter and twisted about their relentless cheerfulness.

The design behind me shows day and nights, to highlight, I believe, the many days you must wait at a bus stop before your bus comes.

And here's another one, near Trafalgar Square, which shows the landmarks of London you could be touring whilst you wait behind Mr SmellyBreath for your ride home.

I mean, yeah, sure, you can't go anywhere on these. Each sculpture even has a prim little 'Do Not Climb' sign on its base, just in case you try.

But the best thing about these buses?

They can't drive off without you.

If you want to see more buses, I've generously, selflessly and philanthropically provided a link to the 'Sculpture Trails' website here. As you click the link, think of all 6.5 seconds your tireless Elf put in to provide it.

Hope you're feeling all warm and fuzzy inside,

Elf Dryadalis

Yup. Even if you visit in summer.

So. You've heard about the infamous weather in London. You've checked out all the weather forecasts, and even done it like a local and checked the BBC website for the latest weather warnings.

Naturally then, you book to go during July/August, when the weather (as your exhaustive research tells you) is at its warmest, sometimes even over 20 degrees celsius.

You check out the fashion trends, learn that Londoners don't really do a head-to-toe matching combination, and go for something that's a little quirky, but comfortable too. Just like a local.

In your t-shirt, shorts, walking shoes (plus - clever you - spare pullover because you know it can get chilly) you saunter down London's Oxford Street, shopping bags bulging, looking like you've lived there all your life.

Then this happens.

No, no, not that an elf pops up and photobombs your picture of a taxi.

I'm talking about the rain.

Check out this quiz below. I'll call it the 'How Do You Cope With London Rain' quiz. It's a quiz about....oh. you already guessed it. Fine. Clever clogs.

Q1. It starts raining heavy drops of water, but only the occasional droplet actually hits you. You:
a. Know this means trouble. Dive for shelter.
b. Carry on walking. It's just drizzle.
c. Sigh, get out your umbrella and hold it loosely in your hand, just in case it turns into something worse.

Q2. It's now a torrential downpour. What do you do?
a. Curse.
b. Laugh and get out your camera. This will be hilarious on Facebook, and you'll dry off quickly, anyway.
c. Get out your umbrella, and carry on walking as though you're not being pelted with industrial amounts of H20.

Q3. The rain's stopped! What's your course of action?
a. Get out from under cover, and stomp moodily to your destination.
b. Look remarkably surprised.
c. It's stopped raining? Didn't notice. Oh well. Umbrella away then, in the plastic bag you carry around just for this purpose.

If you answered mostly:

a = Good morning, sunshine. You've stayed in London way, way too long. Time for a break - preferably somewhere where the sun does shine for more than an hour at a time.

b = Welcome to London; I admire your bravery, O Tourist. Just know that an umbrella is an absolute must, even if it's a sunny day - heck, even if the weather forecast says it'll be sunny all day. Oh yeah, and if you answered 'b' for Q2, you won't dry out for the rest of the day. London rain is freezing, even in summer. And you can write off your shoes as well. They won't dry for a week.

c = You're probably a native. You know that the weather is more changeable than a celebrity's latest boyfriends, and moan about it to your friends, but secretly enjoy the unpredictable climate.

Best, my soaked friends,

Elf Dryadalis

Which is your favourite elephant? Part 2

I'm just uploading some photos of the touring elephant sculptures in 'Intu' shopping centre in Bromley (probably still better known as 'The Glades', its old name). Which elephant is your favourite?
In the picture above I'm standing as tall as I can, but I'm still so difficult to see next to the giant elephant beside me! (Clue: I'm in the bottom left of the photo). Roll on the ellies!

This romantic one is called 'Love Story' and she has large eyes like she's utterly besotted with someone. Maybe she's off to see her boyfriend? If so, I'm in her way!

Here's a fashionable one (with a very comfortable trunk for me to sit on). She's called 'Razzle Dazzle' and has pictures of well-dressed women all around her body, and retro designs above and below.

I guess this one is pretty easy to name: she's called 'Red Arrow' after the famous stunt pilots in the RAF (Britain's Royal Air Force - you can sometimes see them doing special 'fly pasts' during occasions like royal weddings). I'm not sure this elephant can fly though - perhaps she could use her ears as wings?

Here's a rather complex one called 'Spirit'. I'm standing by her right front leg. At first it looks like a kind of leopard pattern that got really smudged, but if you look closely at the pink wash of colour in the middle, it's actually a herd of horses! The lead horse and the elephant cleverly have their eyes aligned.

This is a photo I posted on my Twitter @ElfDryadalis , and it got retweeted by @IntuBromley! She's called 'The Butterfly Effect', not only referring to her pattern, but also to the idea that a tiny, insignificant change somewhere in the world (like a butterfly beating its wings) could have massive consequences elsewhere (like causing a thunderstorm in another country). It's a huge idea, and it does make some sense, but I'm quite happy just to slide on her trunk rather than figure it out.

Here's one which is very fitting for this blog: 'Unforgettable Journey'! I guess it would be unforgettable indeed if an elephant went up into the sky using a hot air balloon...... and the rain beside her (falling onto my head, thanks) is accurate for Britain!

There's even a London section as well, where you can see Big Ben and the London Eye!

I'm going to continue my own journey around London's landmarks.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis

The skies over London: an ever-changing cloudscape

It's well known that if you're going out in London, it's best to take an umbrella. London's also famous for having constantly changing weather - almost guaranteeing that if you do take out an umbrella (since the TV weather humans have said that it'll rain), the day will stay dry!

This is one of those days. Look at those beautiful wispy clouds behind me - it's one of those cloudscapes where I could watch the clouds go by for hours!

Visiting between late June and late August generally means that you'll see some sun, with temperatures in the low twenties (Celsius).

But naturally, the weather in London isn't quite so obedient as to stick to those guidelines! If you see these looming grey skies above your head,

1) Get out your umbrella.....
2).......which you probably forgot if the sky's looking like this
3) Take in the washing - there's going to be a crazy downpour!

The rain is both hard to predict, yet almost certain. How? Well, it's bound to rain. Probably just when a family barbecue's been arranged, or the picnic's been set, or the weather forecast tells everyone to break out the suncream because there's going to be a heatwave.

Once it rained when I was at the beach. I would have been drier if I'd jumped in the sea.

Yet what's hard to predict is how long the rain will go on for - clouds like this can either mean it'll rain all day, or for just a 5 minute burst, just enough to get everyone soaked!

Oh, and this photo was taken just a few seconds after the grey-skies one above, just of the skies on the other side of the road. It looks like the sky's trying to disguise itself as a Constable painting - all the blending of colours and lights.

If you're wondering whether this means that it rains on one side of the road, but stays dry on the other, yes! This does happen - sometimes it's even more dramatic, for example when on one side the sun's out with blue skies like in the first photo, and on the other, there's heavy rain with leaden skies.

Well, I'm not going to take any more chances today - I'll just nip inside!

Best,

Elf Dryadalis