Bromley's Big Birdhouses

'OI!' you rudely say, interrupting my quiet cup of tea and lembas, 'That's not a birdhouse. It's the lovechild of a swimming pool and a spyhole'.

Well, yeah, it is. But it's for charity, and as we all know, that pretty much excuses anything. Except the time I turned up to the Elves' Charity Council Cake Sale with my homemade Leaf Lembas, and half the elflings got food poisoning from my efforts. But that's another story.

Anyway, this lovechild is the work of Becky Adlington, called 'Pool'. No, not poo. That's what pigeons leave on your car. Right now. Go and check.

Ha? You checked? I knew you would.

So - the gist of this is that famous people paint these ginourmous birdhouses, and then auction them off. As I understand it, not a single actual bird is going to buy one of these - shocking. It's like when people from abroad buy all our treehouses, then leave them empty, leaving native elves scrimping and saving, and then living in a box.

Shocking.

But at least we get to look at them. And very pretty they are too.

Yeah, that's a shark. On a birdbox. Painted to look like water.
And it's done by Steve Backshall, who is clearly nifty with a paintbrush, but is perhaps a little confused. I mean, he wants to save sharks, so puts them on a structure which will be on a treetop? Humans. I'll never understand them!

And here we have a traditional human sacrifice, once a year, when a large blue butterfly is offered up to the House of Black. A loud voice booms from the opening in the facade, and announces good harvests for the following 12 months. Not really. I made that up.

 It's actually the 'House of Flight', by George Clarke, but that's not half as exciting.

And here's new Government policy. With energy prices rising, and oil running out, the Winter Insulation Policy Guidelines state that all homes must be covered in multicoloured fur to keep them warm. The colours also help visibility from the road, thus saving the government millions of pounds in street lighting.

This prototype house, soon to be seen on every street near you, was designed by Jo Whiley.

And here's my favourite by far. It's by Konnie Huq, and depicts my childhood home, before I was whisked off to do stupid tours around London by some human. Alas for the trees of yore.

And the other side of this beautiful box depicts my revenge, when I marshal hordes of aliens to attack Planet Earth, and give Britain even worse weather than it's currently experiencing.

Finally, a plea. Give Nature a Home by the RSPB. That, by the way, includes wandering elves. Here's the RSPB website, and if you want to look at these homes for yourself, and possibly find that I may or may not have fictionalised some details in my picture descriptions, here's the Intu Shopping Centre's website here.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis

Churchill Theatre Gardens

If you're out and about in the suburbs, and decide to pop into Intu Bromley (formerly and more popularly known as 'The Glades'), make sure to visit the Churchill Theatre Gardens!

Oh, and don't let the name put you off. It does sound like a cross between a prime minister, the West End and Kew, but it's actually a good-sized area of greenery.

There's even a small children's play area, but of course I am too mature for such things.

What I prefer is a bit of culture. Thus I am standing in front of this empty structure attempting to look all educated.

There are occasionally performances there, but these are kind of obscure. So obscure that this veritable treasure trove of information - why are you looking around, going 'What?' 'What treasure trove?', it's ME, people - has no clue when the next performance is. Never mind. It's fun to scramble up and down the tiers anyway.

And here I am with Miss Duck, who's a duck.

See? I come up with the most surprising facts. Like I said, treasure trove.

There are quite a few animals here, good for pointing out to the elflings. There are squirrels and the ubiquitous pigeons too, of course.

I'm going to find a nice squirrel to talk to, since I think Miss Duck's conversation is mostly quackery.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis

Which is your favourite elephant? Part 2

I'm just uploading some photos of the touring elephant sculptures in 'Intu' shopping centre in Bromley (probably still better known as 'The Glades', its old name). Which elephant is your favourite?
In the picture above I'm standing as tall as I can, but I'm still so difficult to see next to the giant elephant beside me! (Clue: I'm in the bottom left of the photo). Roll on the ellies!

This romantic one is called 'Love Story' and she has large eyes like she's utterly besotted with someone. Maybe she's off to see her boyfriend? If so, I'm in her way!

Here's a fashionable one (with a very comfortable trunk for me to sit on). She's called 'Razzle Dazzle' and has pictures of well-dressed women all around her body, and retro designs above and below.

I guess this one is pretty easy to name: she's called 'Red Arrow' after the famous stunt pilots in the RAF (Britain's Royal Air Force - you can sometimes see them doing special 'fly pasts' during occasions like royal weddings). I'm not sure this elephant can fly though - perhaps she could use her ears as wings?

Here's a rather complex one called 'Spirit'. I'm standing by her right front leg. At first it looks like a kind of leopard pattern that got really smudged, but if you look closely at the pink wash of colour in the middle, it's actually a herd of horses! The lead horse and the elephant cleverly have their eyes aligned.

This is a photo I posted on my Twitter @ElfDryadalis , and it got retweeted by @IntuBromley! She's called 'The Butterfly Effect', not only referring to her pattern, but also to the idea that a tiny, insignificant change somewhere in the world (like a butterfly beating its wings) could have massive consequences elsewhere (like causing a thunderstorm in another country). It's a huge idea, and it does make some sense, but I'm quite happy just to slide on her trunk rather than figure it out.

Here's one which is very fitting for this blog: 'Unforgettable Journey'! I guess it would be unforgettable indeed if an elephant went up into the sky using a hot air balloon...... and the rain beside her (falling onto my head, thanks) is accurate for Britain!

There's even a London section as well, where you can see Big Ben and the London Eye!

I'm going to continue my own journey around London's landmarks.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis

Which is your favourite elephant? Part 1

Hi there! It might look like I'm in a strange psychedelic version of a safari, but actually, I'm in a shopping centre!

This is Bromley Intu, on the outskirts of London, and my new friend behind me is 'Birds and Blossom'. B&B and her friends are touring the UK to promote awareness of the plight of the Asian Elephant. The Elephant tour is actually coming to an end now, with the auction of these lovely ellies on 26th July.

If you're near Bromley, it's worth a visit - there are so many elephants to see, and you can add in a bit of shopping too! The list of shops is here.

In the meantime, I'm trying to decide which elephant is my favourite.....would you like to help me?

'Elephants Communicating' and I have a very similar colouring, but I think this elephant is several hundred times larger than me. Look at those piercing golden eyes!

Here's a pretty one on the upper level of the mall. She's called 'Flower Impression' and gave me a good tickle with the tip of her trunk.

This loved-up elephant is called 'Happiness is for Everyone'. Isn't that a lovely idea?

Even her backside is happy......these little green creatures are ever so happy about standing beneath a rainbow, even though there's a penguin attempting tombstoning, or something vaguely worrying of the sort, just beneath.

And finally, how about 'Jack on Tour'? The Union Jack flag is often used on pretty much anything which can be painted, printed and sold, but there's nothing wrong with a little patriotism!

Have you taken a fancy to any of these elephants? Let me know in the comments section below!

Laters,

Elf Dryadalis