London's Heathrow Airport

I hate airports.

They're the places you go when your winged unicorn is sick, or your broomstick's broken, or your magic carpet's got holes.

When all these conventional methods of transportation are denied you, you go to the airport.

The airport is a sign of FAILURE.

And here I am, at London's Heathrow Airport, Terminal 5, since my unicorn went on strike for better working conditions and more glitter.

I've just gone through customs, which is a rather unpleasant experience. Basically, your human dumps their bag, coat and electronics, as well as you, into a plastic box, a bit like a school dinner tray with evil intentions, and shoves the whole thing through an x-ray machine.

So now some staff at Heathrow presumably know that I ate lembas for breakfast, am not carrying any weapons, and have a head full of wool.

And now I can chill out with my best gangsta pose by the shops. They sell an odd assortment of products, these shops. You can get a multipack of Kitkats, so you can stuff yourself throughout the flight, or a designer bag, in which to sleep in during the flight (so long as you're elf-sized).

There's free wi-fi, but it doesn't work. I wiggled my ears left, right and centre to try and pick up the signals, but no. Apparently the wi-fi is incompatible with elves.

And now for the ultimate indignity.

To get to some of the gates (mine was in section C), you have to get there via a transit train, a bit like a London Underground train with a very short track.

It was kind of busy, and my human was worried about me falling though the gap, so she picked me up.

She picked me up.

SHE PICKED ME UP!!!

No one tosses a dwarf, and no one picks up an elf.

The picture above is testimony to my suffering.

And finally, onto the plane. I travel economy. Now, everyone complains about the lack of legroom in economy, but quite frankly, I don't see what they're complaining about. As you can see, there is plenty of space to run around, play football and race a horse.

Once I went first class, and got lost somewhere between the armrest and the oxygen mask.

And the food included lobster, which is a type of gigantic monster twice the size of the average elf.

Oh no. Economy is great.

At this point during the flight, I decided it was high time for a skydive. Just look at those clouds! It would be like the ultimate trampoline.

But alas, I couldn't open the window. I should put in a complaint.

Anyway, when I get to my destination I think I might write a special series of posts from Abroad. Keep your eyes peeled, your seatbelts fastened and that bungee rope steady.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis

When the sun begins to sink in the sky...

Hi there! Can you see me? No?

That's because I'm trying my hand behind the camera today. With a little bit of aid from my human, I'm learning photography.

The problem is, I keep on missing the subject, and taking photos of everything around it for miles - just not what I'm shooting!

So my human suggested that I try and photograph the sky.

'You can't possibly miss that', she said, with a slight note of exasperation (we had, after all, been practicing for the whole day).

Cue a whole ream of photos of the ground.

(I kept dropping the camera.)

And finally, as the sun was beginning to set (and my human was rather unsubtle in punctuating the conversation with yawns), I took this photo.

I know I have lots to learn about taking photos (and keeping a hold on the camera), but even my cackhanded approach creates a pretty picture!

I think it's because the cloudiness of London skies means that when the sun is setting, there's a lovely glow to them.

You can't yawn at that.

Best,

Elf Dryadalis

The skies over London: an ever-changing cloudscape

It's well known that if you're going out in London, it's best to take an umbrella. London's also famous for having constantly changing weather - almost guaranteeing that if you do take out an umbrella (since the TV weather humans have said that it'll rain), the day will stay dry!

This is one of those days. Look at those beautiful wispy clouds behind me - it's one of those cloudscapes where I could watch the clouds go by for hours!

Visiting between late June and late August generally means that you'll see some sun, with temperatures in the low twenties (Celsius).

But naturally, the weather in London isn't quite so obedient as to stick to those guidelines! If you see these looming grey skies above your head,

1) Get out your umbrella.....
2).......which you probably forgot if the sky's looking like this
3) Take in the washing - there's going to be a crazy downpour!

The rain is both hard to predict, yet almost certain. How? Well, it's bound to rain. Probably just when a family barbecue's been arranged, or the picnic's been set, or the weather forecast tells everyone to break out the suncream because there's going to be a heatwave.

Once it rained when I was at the beach. I would have been drier if I'd jumped in the sea.

Yet what's hard to predict is how long the rain will go on for - clouds like this can either mean it'll rain all day, or for just a 5 minute burst, just enough to get everyone soaked!

Oh, and this photo was taken just a few seconds after the grey-skies one above, just of the skies on the other side of the road. It looks like the sky's trying to disguise itself as a Constable painting - all the blending of colours and lights.

If you're wondering whether this means that it rains on one side of the road, but stays dry on the other, yes! This does happen - sometimes it's even more dramatic, for example when on one side the sun's out with blue skies like in the first photo, and on the other, there's heavy rain with leaden skies.

Well, I'm not going to take any more chances today - I'll just nip inside!

Best,

Elf Dryadalis