Blackfriars Bridge

Yeah, so I'm just standing here with a dodgy line in facial hair.

It's okay, I haven't turned into a fascist, it's just windy.

Today Elfred was taking my photos, since, as a lovely treat, I decided to show him Blackfriars Bridge.

Well, what? Madame Tussauds, the London Eye and pretty much everywhere else costs money, and I'm not spending a penny on that horror of an elfling.

So Blackfriars Bridge it is.

It took 9,948 tries to get a picture of me without my hair blowing in front of my face. This is the best of them. Now it just looks like I'm sprouting strange vegetation from the top of my head.

'It's just so windy,' I apologised to Elfred, after I made him delete the 9,947th picture.

'I KNOW IT'S WINDY', the impatient elfing shouted, 'YOU'VE TOLD ME THIS A HUNDRED TIMES'.

You know what? This is the problem with the youth of today. They have such short fuses, and always want some new facts.

I did give him some, by the way. I'll even list them here, in case you and your elflings find yourself crossing the Thames at this point.

1. The bridge is 281m long.
2. Roberto Calvi's body was discovered swinging from one of the arches, with $14,000 in his pockets in 1982. The Mafia were suspected, but there wasn't enough evidence to convict anyone.
3. It used to be a toll bridge, but now it's free to cross, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered taking Elfred here.

Now, you're probably wondering what you're going to have for dinner tonight, and also why anyone would want to visit Blackfriars Bridge anyway.

For the first question, your partner informs me that unless you do your share of the washing up, you won't be getting ANYTHING.

As for the second, Blackfriars Bridge is situated close to St Paul's Cathedral (actually, if you look at the picture at the top of this post, you can see the dome of the cathedral in the top left-hand corner). If you're getting off at Blackfriars station anyway, it's well worth a look.

There's also a seating area on the bridge, equipped, as you can see, with a life belt in case you see any people drowning in the river. (You never know).

And it was here that Elfred and I sat down to eat our McDonald's.

With a money-off coupon.

Because I'm not spending money on that guy.

*Burp*

Do excuse me. It's just that these Big Macs are rather quite filling for an elf. I feel pretty bloated.

Oh my word.

I'm full of air.

Help!

I'm turning into a life belt!

PPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP FFFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Oh. Apologies for the smell.

'Ewwww!' squeals Elfred, 'it's so windy up here!'

'Honestly,' I say, 'stop repeating yourself'.

Best,

Elf Dryadalis

Southbank: Woodland Garden

You might remember my previous post on Southbank's secret rooftop garden. It's a really cool space, full of little nooks and crannies to explore. I would advise all elves and their human friends to walk round to the other side of the garden - there are many larger plants here, like this purple puffy one which had many bumblebees around it, and also a way to the Woodland Garden!

Here's the tunnel which leads out of the secret rooftop garden. There are vines climbing eagerly all over the tunnel, and it's so surreal - like something out of Alice in Wonderland. It feels like you've become a miniature elf and got stuck in a hedge. You know what I mean.

This intriguing little sign invites us to 'cross the bridge to see what's growing in our Woodland Garden'. Well, I'd be pleased to accept! As you can see from the bottom right-hand corner of the picture, there are even a few plants growing on the concrete bridge itself!

After all that walking, I'm a little tired. It's a good job, then, that in the Woodland Garden there's a set of stools and a little table to relax at! In one of my rebellious moods, I decided to climb onto the table for my 'elfie. There's a pair of sunglasses sitting on the table too. I think those must have been left by a previous explorer. I left them there, in case the owners retraced their steps to find them.

I am well camouflaged amongst all these slender tree trunks! It's a very odd atmosphere, since the wood is real, yet the grass underneath is carpet disguising itself as grass, and there's a ceiling overhead. Add the sunlight bursting in from behind, and it's an oddly mystical, complex environment.

I'm going to climb in and out of these tree trunks for a little while now.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis

Southbank: secret rooftop garden

Going up the yellow stairs, this promising sign appears: 'We're sorry but we can't allow dogs on the roof'. It sounds like they're worried the dogs will throw themselves off or something. Actually, it's because this stairwell leads to a hidden rooftop garden on top of the Queen Elizabeth Hall, Southbank centre! The nearest stations are London Waterloo and London Charing Cross, though there are buses which take you pretty close too. A useful website here has been set up by Transport for London to help you plan your journey.

Here I am, standing appreciatively in front of the welcoming sign. Not only are dogs banned, but so is smoking. As a non-smoking elf, who could easily be mistaken for a snack by dogs/cats/pretty much anything bigger than me, this is quite a relief!

There is an additional sign, which I didn't photograph, saying that if the rooftop garden gets too crowded, they might have to shut it to additional visitors. But whilst I was here, although it was sunny, there was plenty of space.

I'm lying here on a mosaic adorning the entrance. I like the greens and yellows; they bring out my hair.

Here's a view of the rooftop garden! As you can see, although it's a small garden, there are plenty of nooks and crannies to explore.

I do like toadstools. This one was much taller than me, but after climbing all those stairs, I was glad to have something to lean on for a bit of a rest.

There are quite a few of these toadstools around the garden - it would be a nice game to have a competition on how many toadstools you can spot!

This is a pretty poem I'm standing in front of. The faded sign says, 'This garden elevates and perfumes my heart'. Isn't that beautiful?

There are stone benches to sit on too, and I got a whole one to myself! If you're going to eat lunch here, though, I'd suggest bringing a cushion - the stone's not the most comfortable thing to sit on!

If you're wondering about the view, this is what I can see: Festival Pier, where people can go on boats, and the river is of course the Thames! The breeze from the river is saving me money on hairspray - my hair's blowing everywhere!

Hope to see you again soon,

Elf Dryadalis

Southbank: Festival Hall

If it wasn't for the sign, or the multi-coloured pillars, you might think this was a multi-storey car park by the River Thames! But actually, the Royal Festival Hall, despite its drab concrete appearance, is a 2,500-seat concert venue, home to the London Philharmonic Orchestra, among others.

It's best reached from London Waterloo, or London Charing Cross train stations.

It's worth walking around the outside of the building, since the geometric shapes eventually grow on you and make it more obvious why this building is actually Grade 1 listed (meaning it has been officially recognised as having architectural value). There are loads of steps in the most unexpected of places, and they lead to rooms, gardens......anything, really!

Outside one of the entrances is this bust of Nelson Mandela. I personally think that Mandela was better-looking than this rather scrunched-up statue face, but since I have little stone-shaping elfcraft of my own, I guess this is a nice bust anyway.

Here's one of the main entrances. A good little thing to know is that there are toilets in this building which the public can access, since otherwise you'd have to walk all the way to the train station and pay to go for a wee!

There are also many events which take place within the building. Right now it's the 'Festival of Love', celebrating mankind and elfkind's most powerful force in all its forms.

Now I think I'll go for a snack.

The 'Real Food Market' has dozens of stores selling fresh produce, from meat to sweets. Be warned; it's quite expensive (for example a hog roast sandwich is £5, without drinks, and a slice of cake is £2-£3), but fine for a treat (or if you're really rich).

Look at all these stores! They're the food stores I was talking about earlier. Take an umbrella, just in case it rains while you visit!

Phew. That was exhausting. I'm just going to sit down now, and enjoy the sunshine.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis