Chinese New Year in Chinatown 2015

Happy Chinese New Year!

Oh, you're not Chinese?

Well, Happy Chinese New Year anyway! It means lots of food, celebrations and general well-mannered revelry.

You can't turn that down.

'Elf', you say quizzically, 'where is your beautiful face to adorn this blog post? Where were you in Chinatown?'

I was here. 5th row back, amongst the crowd.

Can you see me?

No?

How could you not?

Anyway. I think I have successfully made the point that Chinese New Year celebrations are extremely crowded.

Keep an eye on your elflings.

Or they might get eaten by these psychedelic fish.

Fish are associated in Chinese culture with wealth, so they're popular motifs even though it's not actually year of the fish or anything.

It's Year of the Sheep.

So here we have a giant duck.

And a phoenix.

And a dragon.

And some children.

Ah, here we go, a sheep!

'That's a ram,' you say, refering to your zoology textbooks in a haste, 'it can't be Year of the Sheep'.

Well let me tell you, o humans, that the basic word for sheep, ram and goat is the same in Chinese. So take your pick.

And if the argument gets too heated, here's the Fire Brigade station in Soho opening up its doors.

Ahh. A rest under the pagoda. Nice and shaded.

That's what the pagoda looks like from the outside, in case you were wondering. You weren't? Oh well. Indulge, my friends, indulge.

And when you're walking down the street, keep an eye out for the traditional lion dances - it's believed that they bring good fortune to businesses they visit. Businesses used to dangle a red envelope and lettuce (hey, veganism is the rage, even for lions, didn't you know), and the lion would shred it. I didn't see any businesses doing that this year though, since it's probably counted as littering now. That's a shame. You should see the mess elves make during our annual festivals of starlight. But anyway...............

A bonus picture - lion heads.

Not made from real lions.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis

Forbidden Planet: not actually a planet.

So. It's way too early in the morning, and I'm standing outside a shop. Voluntarily.


Now, what are the likely reasons for such strange behaviour? Please choose the likely answer from below.

1. Kim Kardashian is inside, filming her latest attempt to break the internet.
2. It's raining outside, and inside looks dry.
3. Kim Kardashian is outside, filming her latest attempt to break the internet, and inside looks safe.
4. There's merchandise inside I want to buy.

Now, if it's 1. or 3. you selected, you have spent too long on the internet. Your cat needs feeding. Go to her now.

If it's 2. you selected, you have spent too long in London. Go home. Oh, London is your home? That's awkward.

If it's 4. you selected, you have spent too long on this blog. I love you. Please, never change.

So, this is Forbidden Planet on Shaftesbury Avenue, in Central London. It sells all kinds of movie merchandise, comic merchandise, TV merchandise..........you get the idea.

And their window displays entice you closer - but what I like is that they actually put the prices in the window display. Most shops don't. It's only until you walk in and realise that you have to sell your cat to afford anything (well, you never feed her anyway, you horrible specimen of Mordor) that you take a step back in horror and become all Gollum-like - 'We wants it, yessss, my preccccccccciiiiiiiiiiiiiouuuuuuuuuuuuussssssssss'. Most unfair.

With the prices in the window, you can do that outside.

And return after the sale of Mr Tibbles........

TO BUY ALL OF THIS.

So, I've always wanted a pet human, and I got one, and he's called Jaime Lannister. We're the same height! Isn't that great? I suggest that all elves get a pet human. The ones from Forbidden Planet tend to have difficulty thinking/getting outside the box for some reason, but you can't have everything!

The sword is to defend my homeland, conquer other peoples' homelands, and to, umm, open letters.

I even got a pack of cards. They say 'You win or you die' which I think is an excellent intimidation strategy against my opponent in Snap. The cards have the Jacks, Queens, Kings, Aces and Jokers emblazoned with pictures of the main characters. I love how Cersei is on both the Baratheon and Lannister cards, in a valiant attempt to avoid giving away spoilers.

Oh, and she's quite fit too. Don't tell Jaime I said that.

And finally, in case Jaime does find out and I have to make my escape, I have a travel pass holder to help me travel in style.

And in the worst case scenario, I can jump inside the sturdy plastic bag my purchases came in.

He'll never find me there.

See you later,

Elf Dryadalis

The famous red telephone boxes

So I was talking to Elfina today about where I was planning to go.

'You've practically explored the whole of London,' Mrs Dryadalis sighed, 'just take the day off.'

Stalwart explorer that I am, I refused.

'How about the red districts?' I asked, innocent as Minty the Lamb.

It turns out that my remark, alas, did not come across as innocent.

'HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE', she exploded., 'HOW DARE YOU OFFEND ME, OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND THE NAME OF YOUR FOREFATHERS'.

'What do you mean?', I asked, 'They're everywhere in Soho.'

Elfina's response, I shudder to recall, cannot be published here, lest the Blog Powers That Be decide this blog is simply too shocking.

Anyway. I was out on my knitted bum.

So off I went in search of the red districts, this oft-photographed but seldom-used relic of a former age.

And to my vague horrified relief (trust me, if you've ever had a conversation with your spouse along the lines of what I had this morning, the idea of 'horrified relief' would make perfect sense), the red districts are actually called 'Telephone boxes'.

I'm six inches tall, alright. They're the size of districts to me.

Their unfortunate colour comes from the idea that red is easier to spot. Though quite how a pedestrian is supposed to walk down the street and promptly collide with an 8ft high metal-and-glass structure is anyone's guess.

Of course, there's the obvious question, 'In the age of mobile phones, why on earth have landlines cluttering the streets?'

Well, I might well reply, 'In the age of genetic engineering, why have human beings on earth who ask 'In the age of mobile phones, why on earth have landlines cluttering the streets?''.

The answer is, my friend, that the old-fashioned things not only look better, but might also come in handy.

For I promptly used one to phone Elfina, and explain, in the meekest terms possible, that I hadn't been cruising the red light district after all, and it was all a misunderstanding, and could I please come home.

She said yes.

Homeward bound now,

Elf Dryadalis

Mid-Autumn (Mooncake) Festival

Please don't be afraid. But you may wish to clamber behind your sofa/door/conveniently situated and expendable person.

There are 105 days till Christmas.

That means 104 days till Christmas Eve (I see you sitting there in stunned admiration at my powers of subtraction. Oh no. You're just flipping between this tab and the BBC iPlayer. Never mind), when the whole of western mankind, and one giddy elf, go running round trying to buy presents for their kids, wife (wives? You cheeky), pets and half-forgotten relatives.

Such excitement.

In the meantime, what does one do? Of course, the answer, 'Buy the Christmas presents now, so you don't end up with some crumpled overpriced package to give to Elfina' springs to mind. But that's too mainstream.

So I go mooning.

'EXCUSE ME?' you scream, eyes torn away from BBC4's Crimes of Passion. 'Children read this blog - you are corrupting the minds of the young'.

It's okay. I just mean shopping for mooncakes. Although there is a picture of my moon somewhere. At some point, whoever hacked the iCloud accounts of all those celebrities will undoubtedly do it to me. Because I'm so famous. And everyone wants to see a knitted moon.

Anyway.

To London's Chinatown, where everyone's mooning (okay, okay, I'll stop it).

The Mid-Autumn Festival (also known as the Moon (sorry) Festival), is celebrated round about September each year. Since it goes according to the Lunar calendar (so it's on the 15th day of the 8th Lunar month), the dates change on the western calendar from year to year.

This means lots of food, lanterns hovering around like UFOs (too much elf-wine, hic) and noise from everyone flocking to have a good look at the stores. It's nowhere near as busy as Chinese New Year, when you literally can't move a metre in any direction, so it's a pretty relaxing day out. It's also good for bringing the elflings to, since you won't risk losing them amongst the crowds.

There are bakeries all along Chinatown, which often sell pastries on the savoury side - very different from what you'd get in an English bakery! For this festival, mooncakes are sold from tables set up outside bakeries and restaurants etc. They have a thin crust and a sweet filling, with an egg yolk in the middle. The tops are often printed with Chinese characters, meaning 'Whassup, dawg?'.

Only joking. I just made that up.

The tops actually often tell you the name of the bakery.

But if you want to inform the mooncake about your day, go ahead. I won't judge you. *shuffles uncomfortably towards nearest exit*

I must also add a teensy warning (at least, teensy compared to your waistline if you eat one of these) - each mooncake is around 1000 calories (for a little 10cm one). So if you buy a box, you'd better share it. Or just buy a box, eat it all, and live on sunlight and water until Christmas.

If you're looking for a souvenir which won't make people ask if you're planning to play Santa this year, go for the little trinkets sold up and down the street. They include lanterns, little charms for your phone, and statuettes. Less tasty, but longer-lasting.

And if you're really cheap, they'd make really unusual Christmas presents too.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis

Chinatown Family Fun Day

Attention! I'm doing my best warrior impression.

These rather serious-looking guys behind me are statues of Chinese warriors (at least, I think they're statues. After all, people sometimes assume I'm a rag doll. They have no idea I write my own blog.)

They're guarding the place for Chinatown's Family Fun Day, which I visited last Sunday. I wanted to bring along my friend Minty the sheep, but she says that unlike the stereotype of her species, she doesn't like to follow the crowd.

And with live performances and other entertainments, boy was it crowded!

Damn, even the pandas came along. PANDAS. Those bamboo-eating dudes from China.

Not to mention this ingenious but ever-so-slightly-disturbing butterfly, which walked to and fro throughout Chinatown, humans scuttling out of the way. Being a brave and fearless elf, I went closer.

Smug elf. This butterfly does not scare me. Even though it's towering over everyone.

Okay. Now it's just a little bit too close for comfort.

Screw it! RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Home, safe and sound. I'll tell my grandelflings about my terrifying experiences.

Oh, and I do love freebies, and those lovely people at Chinatown were giving away these souvenir canvas bags. I was looking for Minty, to show her my swag, but that sheep has mysteriously disappeared and I can't find her.

Never mind.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis

Chinatown

Hello there! Did you know that in central London, amongst all the theatres and restaurants, is a little piece of South East Asia? This is Chinatown, and as you can see from the street sign behind me, which has the words for 'Chinatown' in traditional Chinese characters, it really is like going to Hong Kong or China for an hour or two - without needing an additional eight-hour flight!

Chinatown is famous for its restaurants. A good tip I'll pass on for choosing a Chinese restaurant is this: look inside and see whether or not Chinese people are eating there. If there are, it's a good sign!

You can even ask to buy takeaways there. Sometimes the restaurants  have roast ducks or crispy pork belly, or other delicacies hanging in the window. You can ask to buy one of these, and take an entire roast duck home for later! Prices vary, but you can generally get a duck for under £20, and you can even ask them to cut it up for you.

There are lots of little shops around Chinatown too, and they mostly sell cute little gifts. There are also bookshops which sell Chinese books - which would make a highly unusual gift for any philologists!

And if you're tired, there's a pagoda to sit under. In recent years, there was an attempt to rejuvenate the area, including putting a roof over the pagoda, so it would become a sort of indoor shopping mall. But lots of people objected, since the point of a pagoda is to shelter people from the rain or sun, and be a meeting point, not just stand inside like an ornament.

I decided to hop underneath and enjoy some shade; as you can see, the sun was strong today!

And now onto souvenirs. Throughout London, there are many shops selling postcards.

Each shop sells between three and five for a pound, but I've got a little elf tip for you: get some free newspapers as alternative souvenirs!

They're in the central area of Chinatown, between the two arches (see my second picture in this post - those arches mark off the main section of shops and restaurants). These newspapers are free to take, and since many of them come out weekly or fortnightly, they're a good memento of a holiday - and unmistakeably Chinese!

I have a little confession to make: I can't read any of these, but I like them because they do look so cool.

Bye for now,

Elf Dryadalis

Soho Square Gardens: A little gem in central London

*Yawn* I was very tired after walking around London in the afternoon. The problem is, it seems like there's nowhere to go to sit down except coffee shops and the benches in the hustle and bustle of Oxford Street.

But here is a little green oasis, and it's free to visit!

Soho Square Gardens are just off Oxford Street, and easily accessible from Tottenham Court Road station. I walked there in about 15 minutes, ducking and bobbing through the humans busily shopping.

If you look very closely near the right leg of Charles II here (the king who was restored after the English Civil War), you can see me standing there! I'm doing my best 'kingly' pose.

There's a tiny little house in the middle of the Gardens, and although it would be just the right size for a family of elves like me, it's actually used as a tool shed!

It looks like it's a Tudor house, but actually it was built during the 20th century.

Hmm. Now I'm relaxed and refreshed, I'm going to play some sports! There are two ping pong tables set up in the Gardens, and they're free to use.

Has anyone seen my table tennis bat?

See you soon,

E. D.