St Paul's Cathedral

Hello MTV, and welcome to my crib.

Not really. This is actually me standing outside St Paul's Cathedral, which sits on top of Ludgate Hill, apparently the highest point in the City of London.

It was designed by Christopher Wren, who clearly really liked columns, and had a cool name to boot.

I could go on about the religious and cultural significance of the cathedral, but hey, it's MY BLOG. Yeah. That'll tell 'em.

Things at St Paul's which would look really nice in my home

1.

That dome. So cool.

2.

These flowers. There's a lot of greenery around St Paul's, which at lunchtime becomes mysteriously inhabited by a mixture of rich city types, skint students, and not-so-skint-but-will-be-after-they've-bought-souvenirs-tourists.

3.

Such an awesome location. You're near several mainline stations, as well as quite a few tourist attractions. For example, the Tower of London is a short walk away. You can also, from my unique vantage point behind a pillar, engage in the minority sport of Backwatching. This involves, um, looking at people's backs and admiring their shirts. Pink-shirted guy, I'm looking at you.

Things at St Paul's which they can jolly well keep

1.

The size. This isn't the main entrance. It's actually a more-or-less hidden bit round the side. Can you imagine living in a place this big?

Scene: At Night.
Elf: Oh my word, I need to go pee!
Elf looks at map of own home.
Elf: Oh dearie me, it's 3 miles away!
Elf gets out GPS. Desperate look on face. Starts hiking.

Dramatic camerawork, sweeping over towers, domes, columns etc. Cut to reeeeeeeallly desperate look on Elf's face.

Elf: C'mon, sprint for the last stretch!

Slow-motion zoom onto Elf's face. Pained expression. Sound effects.

Can you imagine? CAN YOU IMAGINE???

2.

Rules and regulations.

No climbing? And here, dear readers, do I take action against such a rule. And you see me, before your very eyes, climbing all 4 feet onto a bannister. Come on. Such rules are meant to be broken. And besides, the guy on the sign looks like he's doing a sort of victory punch, so clearly, rebellion is cool.

3.

Having to direct visitors all over the place.

If I were to live in such a building, I wouldn't be so kind as to put up a sign like this. Oh no. I'd direct cafe-seekers to the toilets, gift-shop-searchers to the toilets, photographers to the toilets......you get the idea.
Then I'd tell them it's a THREE MILE HIKE.

See you soon,

Elf Dryadalis